We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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