Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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