What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
40s are totally the cure
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
