I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
