Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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