Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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