i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
