Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
