great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
