I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
