this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
