i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
