You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize