Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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