oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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