She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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