The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
