my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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