One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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