just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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