i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
