i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
