How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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