...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
