someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I am morally bankrupt
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
