On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize