How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
