So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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