You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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