the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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