Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
