I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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