Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
