Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
