I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
