I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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