He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
