had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
