Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
