Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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