He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just found puke in my bra..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
