While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
