Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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