The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
