My nipple is on Facebook.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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