do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
