we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
