I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were destined to go to rehab together
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize