We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
