you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
