sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
