I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
