just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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