Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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