we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
