If that was your dad, he is hot
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
