I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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