Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
