You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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