it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They took my balls.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
