batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
