i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
