Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
