If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
