Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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