those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're a waste of cheezeits
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
