He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
