there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
