So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
