who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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