i think my tv is drunk
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
