My sheets look like a crime scene.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
