Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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