just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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